G
What do you give someone
Bm                            Em                      C
Who's already got one of everything you thought would be the perfect
Em              C               G  C   D
Accoutrement to their unnerving temperament?
G       C  G
Attention

             G                          Bm
What could a lowly peasant being like myself
                         Em          C
Offer a perfect pleasant savior of humanity
       Em          C               G             D
The redeemer of us sickly, sinning hillbillies?
G        C  Asus4  G/B
Attention


[Chorus]
C             D          Em
Just one more resounding stab at all the others
                         D
You've almost blown your cover
         C
But your traps don't stick
         D
One more bottle should do the trick
           Em                               D
Discreetly cleansing the remnants of every disdainful quip
C            D
You found no escape route
      G        G/F   Em                C
But I know you well enough to hate you now
                 Am/C
It's too bad you haven't figured that out


G - C - D - C


[Verse]
G
What do you call someone
Bm                     Em           C
Who calls you out on DIY ethics you don't embody
Em               C               G            D
As he drains his dad and mommy's monthly data plan?
G          C
An asshole
        G
With an iPhone


[Chorus]
G                      Bm
I'll admit, I'm in the same boat
                  Em
Caught between my adolescent safety net
    C                        G
And where the world wants me to be
                Asus4
But I never use that as an excuse
   Em                   C
To treat my friends the way that you treat me


Em - Em/Eb - C
Em - D - G - Asus4
D (quick) C5 - D5 - C5 - D5 - C5 - D5 - Eb5 - E5 - F5 - F#5 (etc) 
^(this is done quickly just strum fast, while moving your fingers up the neck)


[Chorus]
C             D          Em
Just one more distorted, sad attempt at humor
                          D            C
From the jagged, bleeding tumor in our throat
              D                    Em   
Malignance at best, and quick to address yourself
                                  D            C
As anything other than what we've learned to expect
           D        (Dead Strum)
The patron saint of Good God Damn
G    G/F            Em
I'll kick myself to sleep
                           C                        Cm
Before I shake that grimy, dirty, crusted, arrogant hand
                   G
So please leave my house