I'm the guy who lurks
In the heart of every man
I'm the creepy jerk
Dressed up like your dearest friend

I am Jonah's whale flying friendly sail
I'm the mind you're living in
I - I'm the guy

I'm the guy who thinks
Of the press and interviews
Like to walk a mile
In God's favorite running shoes

If you specify who has made you cry
Who can give the suicidal blues
I - I'm the guy

I'm the one you can't get free
I will always be
Like a wolf that's at your door
What your women wants is me
I'm the one she's waited for
She's waited for

I'm the one eyed jack
I'm the one you can't ignore
Just give me somethin' better than that
I'm the guy who wants more and more
and more and more and more

And then when I'm through
You'll be turned into
An emotional vegetable
'Cause I - I'm the guy

I'll tell you how great you are
You're the best by far
You're a drop dead centerfold
That girl ain't nothin' - you're the star
And your life will be controlled
It'll be controlled by me