Backside melts into a sofá My world, my TV, and my food Besides listening to my belly gurgle Ain't much else to do Yeah, I sweat a lot Pants fall down every time I bend over And my feet itch Yeah, I married a scarecrow I hate you Talking to myself Everibody's starin' at me I'm only bleedin' Someone taps me on the shoulder every 5 minutes Nobody speaks English anymore Would anybody tell me I was gettin' stupider? I hate you Talking to myself You don't feel it after awhile You take the beating I'm a swingin' guy Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod And swing Toss me inside a hefty And put me in the ground A drink needs me I don't I ain't about to guzzle no tears So kiss my ass Newscasters, coakroaches, and desserts I hate you Talkin' to myself Everibody's starin' at me I'm only bleedin' Where are the kids? I don't know Maybe getting pregnant or on drugs or on welfare On top of the world, on the honor roll, on parole On the dodgers, on the backs of milk cartons On stakes in the middle of cornfields On covers of future history books, on old lady's mantles Walkin' on water, nailed on crosses I think it's time I had a talk with my kids I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me You ain't never gonna amount to nothin'