If you were a DJ you would
If you were a DJ you would
If you were a DJ you would gimme a beat

If you were a DJ you would gimme a beat
And if you were a bus rider you'd give me your seat
If you were Jack Horner, I'd be blueberry pie
And if you were my dealer you would just get me high

But as it stands you're nobody, you're just like a ghost
Gimme headaches, gimme phantom pains—I loved you the most
So love me or leave me, but don't be so mysteezie
I don't care how you get here won't you please just come and see me

Bus rider! You're too broke to drive
Bus rider! I'll make you mine
[x2]

If you were a bank account you'd be overdrawn
You grew up in the projects with your little single mom
And now your ass has got no wheels, you're down on your luck
But f*ck the Number 9, I'm comin' to pick you up

Bus rider! You're too broke to drive
Bus rider! I'll make you mine
[x2]

Gimme some play
Don't throw me no shade
Je suis enchanté (hey)
Je suis enchanté (hey)
[x2]

If you were a D
If you were a D
If you were a DJ you would gimme a beat

Bus rider! You're too broke to drive
Bus rider! I'll make you mine
[x2]

If you were adventurous you'd gimme some jam
And spread it on my peanut butter here in Japan
Take me to Tokyo! Tune in my radio!
Be my Romeo on my s-s-s-stereo, s-s-s-stereo, s-s-s-stereo
Stereo (stereo?)

You're too broke to drive
I'll make you mine
[x2]

Bus rider! You're too broke to drive
Bus rider! I'll make you mine
[x2]